


What Is It Good For?

by DGCatAniSiri



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-22
Updated: 2014-06-22
Packaged: 2018-02-05 16:49:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1825336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DGCatAniSiri/pseuds/DGCatAniSiri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the middle of a war for survival, tensions are high... Naturally, this can only mean one thing: Practical jokes running rampant on the Normandy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Is It Good For?

Commander Shepard had no complaints with attempts at keeping up morale on the Normandy. There was a war on, anything that kept people from breaking down into a blubbering mess was a good thing in his book. He far preferred the sounds of mirth and laughter over choked sobs and open weeping. And, given the many sleepless nights he had, he liked experiencing some form of escape from the horrors of the ongoing war. So he really had no complaints with something other than the sounds of wracking sobs.

But, given that he was coming home to the Normandy after a round of drinks with both James and Garrus that had only barely managed to stay on the right side of waking up on Aria’s couch and seeing her giving him that pitying look, he really couldn’t take hearing a series of loud and angry curses from Engineer Adams as he pounded on the elevator with no response.

“Chief, I’m sure the elevator’s very sorry for whatever it did to you,” Shepard muttered, too hung over to be properly polite to the man who ensured that his private cabin maintained an oxygen-nitrogen atmosphere.

With a frustrated grunt, Adams turned away from the door. “It’s not the elevator, Commander. Or, not the elevator specifically. All the doors on the ship seem to have been reprogrammed to not respond to me and me alone.”

Shepard raised a skeptical eyebrow, not quite believing that the Normandy’s engineer was having that kind of technical problem. “The doors won’t open for you?”

“Haven’t all day. I had to wait until Gabby and Ken came onto duty just to get into the engine room this morning. Then I had to convince Tali to bring the latest engine status update to EDI in person just so I could ask her personally about it.”

Shepard was still getting his mind around the fact that the engineer was having technical difficulties – didn’t that mean that the rest of them were doomed? “What did EDI say?”

“That she couldn’t identify any problems with the system. Except I still can’t get any of the damn doors on this ship to open for me.” Adams punctuated this statement with a pound on the elevator door.

“ _Chief Adams, continued pounding on the elevator will damage you sooner than it will the door_ ,” EDI’s voice stated. Shepard had gotten so used to approaching her body, he’d let the fact that she was genuinely everywhere on the ship at once slip from his mind, so he was startled to hear her announcement from the overhead speakers, rather than the opposite end of the CIC. 

Adams didn’t have the same surprise, though. “Yeah, but it makes me feel better. Anyway, Commander, sorry for the inconvenience, but could you give me a ride down to Engineering?”

With a resigned sigh, Shepard hit the call button, causing the elevator to open up and let Chief Adams enter first. “EDI, see what you can do for Chief Adams.”

“ _Chief Adams, your emergency override access code should still work,_ ” EDI suggested.

“Probably, but I don’t like using it if it’s not a genuine emergency,” Adams said. “Bad habit to get into.”

“ _Understood, Chief. I will begin creating a new access code for you._ ”

Shepard sighed, hoping that that would be enough. Once the lift reached engineering and Adams was released, he went straight for his cabin, hoping that now he could just sleep off his hangover.

***

His morning began with him being dumped onto the floor. Shepard, still feeling his hangover, was ready to break a limb or two on Joker for the fact that the ship wasn’t supposed to do that during his sleep. Then he realized that if Joker was putting the Normandy through her paces and tossing him to the ground, it probably wasn’t a good sign.

He raced to get on some pants, the ship wobbling a few more times leading him to opt to forego the shirt at the moment, then raced to the elevator. “EDI, what’s our situation?” he demanded, fearing the worst – a group of Reapers had discovered them, Cerberus had sent a fleet after them, a Dalatrass with a grudge gunning for them, those Reaper-infected geth Councilor Tevos had mentioned locating them... It wasn’t as if there were exactly a shortage of people who were willing to shoot at the Normandy. 

By the time EDI responded, he’d made it to the cockpit. “There is no one shooting at us, Shepard. However, it appears that Jeff has forgotten how to pilot the ship.”

Joker’s reaction was instantaneous. “I haven’t forgotten anything, EDI!” he said defensively.

“Your current level of skill says otherwise, Jeff.” Joker muttered something that it was probably for the best that Shepard didn’t hear.

He looked between the two of them. “What the hell is going on? Why are we going through evasive maneuvers?”

“We’re not... Look, something’s... off. Normally, I can feel every last vibration of the Normandy, feel her every move. Right now...”

Shepard looked to Joker, remembering a conversation he’d had with James a while back. “Joker, how’s your spatial awareness?”

“My-” Joker paused, taking stock of his body. “Son of a-! My boots! Someone messed with their weight!” The off weight was, like the bulky armor that Joker had turned down, throwing off his spatial awareness. It was one thing to be prepared for that, but for it to be sprung on him like this... Well, it resulted in the shake ups that had forced Shepard awake.

“It appears Chief Adams’ prankster has expanded their repertoire,” EDI stated. So Shepard had this unknown prankster to blame for his bruising.

Shepard nodded. “Joker, I think EDI can handle the ship long enough for you to go get another pair of boots,” he said, motioning for Joker to head to the elevator.

“Provided you do not have us scan any Reaper controlled sector in the meantime, Commander,” EDI said as she worked with the console in front of her to put the controls over to it. Reluctantly, Joker slid out of the pilot’s seat, muttering to himself unintelligibly, though several curses from several languages could be made out.

“I think that last one isn’t anatomically possible, even for a hanar,” Shepard chuckled once Joker was out of earshot. 

“It is. However, a hanar would need assistance from at least three others in order to do so.”

That mental imagery was going into a large file in the back of his mind, placed alongside the memories of floating bodies amongst the wreckage of the first Normandy and the time shortly after he’d joined his first unit, the one that had been wiped out on Akuze, where one of his bunkmates had unveiled his xeno-porn collection and showed him just how elcor had sex. 

With the current crisis averted, Shepard sighed and activated his omnitool, checking the time. He had an hour left on his sleep cycle before he had to be on duty. He opted to at least try to get some sleep before he thought any more about their prankster. 

***

One of the worst things about war was that paperwork still continued. Despite the fact that the Reapers were on Earth, had torn through defenses everywhere, and Cerberus was still on the loose, Alliance Command still insisted on regular reports and updates. It bothered Shepard that they seriously considered now a time to be breathing down his neck about anything, when the entire galaxy was resting on his shoulders. 

That in mind, he was pleased that he could turn to Kaidan for assistance as far as that went, both the Alliance paperwork and the Spectre paperwork.

“You enjoy my suffering, don’t you?” Kaidan grumbled as he sat down across from Shepard. Shepard just gave him an angelic grin. Since Kaidan knew that it was bullshit, it certainly didn’t have the desired effect on his attitude, but he still began looking over the various datapads before them both.

After a few minutes, Shepard noticed that Kaidan was fidgeting uncomfortably in his seat. After another few moments of his fidgeting, Shepard had to officially notice. “Something wrong, Kaidan?”

Awkwardly, it seemed Kaidan was attempting to reach an itch somewhere. “Nothing, uh... ‘wrong,’ exactly, Commander. Just, uh... a minor irritation.”

“The way you’re fidgeting, Kaidan, I don’t think it’s all that minor. What is it?”

“Uh... well... I itch, Commander.” He sounded embarrassed to admit that much. Which was understandable, given how straight-laced he usually was. 

Shepard raised an eyebrow. “You itch.”

“Yes sir.”

“And I suppose you’ve brought this up with Doctor Chakwas?”

“Actually, it’s just started recently, since I came on duty.”

Shepard started piecing together a potential solution here. After all, over the last couple of days ‘minor irritations’ seemed to have another culprit than random chance. “Kaidan, you didn’t, by chance, leave your laundry unattended at any point since we last left the Citadel, did you?”

Blinking at the seeming non sequitur, Kaidan attempted to piece together what Shepard was getting at here. “Uh... probably. I don’t exactly keep track of it at all times, Commander.” He seemed confused that ‘itching’ had lead Shepard to ‘laundry.’ “I’m fairly consistent about my laundry, however,” he added defensively.

Seeing how awkward that Kaidan seemed to be making the situation, Shepard took pity on him, making a soothing motion. “Relax, Kaidan. I’m not questioning your personal hygiene. Just getting an idea. If you left your laundry unattended, our practical joker might have decided to add something.”

Kaidan had, of course, heard of the trouble that Adams had had with the elevator and everyone knew of Joker’s boots being reweighed. He scowled. “So, what, this practical joker thought that adding itching powder to my laundry would be funny?”

As Shepard was the superior officer, admittedly through experience and habit more than rank, he didn’t bother with hiding his laughter, unable to keep from chuckling at Kaidan’s misfortune. “Well, Major, you ARE rather straight-laced when you’re on duty.” He’d been off duty with Kaidan and seen him loosen the tie, but when that Alliance duty uniform went on, he was the model soldier. And to suffer an itch like this... well, it definitely qualified for an irritation.

Realizing the prankster’s logic, Kaidan scowled. “I’m glad to be a source of amusement, Commander.” He sighed. “Lieutenant Cortez and I are about the same size. I’m going to go ask him if I can borrow a uniform while I do some laundry. Again.”

Now, Shepard couldn’t resist his chuckle. He needed a laugh every now and then, breaking up the monotony of the humdrum paperwork. Kaidan just grumbled, heading for the elevator. 

It was five minutes later when Shepard was called down to the shuttle bay himself.

***

Arriving down there, Shepard was assaulted by a series of vehement curses in Spanish. He stepped forward and looked to Kaidan and Cortez, watching the show. He raised an eyebrow as the Spanish grew louder. “Major? Lieutenant?”

“Commander,” Cortez nodded, just barely turning away from what they were observing. It drew Shepard’s eye, and he had to admit that the show was something interesting. James Vega, who, one occasion, had joked about using Cortez as a barbell, could not seem to pick up one of his weights. 

“Dare I ask?” 

“I noticed it a while ago. Someone’s replaced Mister Vega’s weights with a krogan brand.” That would explain it. Krogan were at least twice as strong as the average human. Even with Vega’s incredible physique, even he couldn’t lift that. 

There was a gentle smirk on Kaidan’s face. “Seems I’m not the only victim of our practical joker today.”

As the curses got louder, Shepard gave Cortez a bemused look. “Did you let James know his weights had been replaced?”

Shepard would probably never be able to tell if the look on Cortez’s face was innocence or a good imitation of it. “Got on duty before him, was working on the shuttle when he came down and didn’t notice him until he started trying to lift them.”

“How long has he been at this?”

“About fifteen minutes.”

Shepard considered. “If he hits the thirty minute mark, let him know.”

That elicited a wicked grin from Cortez. “Understood, Commander.” 

***

Shepard wasn’t much for formalities on his ship. Between his Spectre status, his time working with Cerberus, and the war, his command style had evolved into a fairly casual style. Still, when he called a briefing, he expected everyone to show up. That included Garrus ‘I’ll show YOU how to make a gun dance’ Vakarian. 

At first, he was irritated. Once it really registered, however, Shepard got concerned – Garrus never missed a meeting.

Then came Doctor Chakwas’s call.

He had to see it for himself. Arriving in the forward battery, he saw Doctor Chakwas, standing beside Garrus, looking like she was restraining herself from a very undignified bout of laughter. Garrus had his hands wrist deep in one of the many nooks and crannies in the main battery, having been up to some calibrations, no doubt.

“What seems to be the problem here, Doctor?”

“It appears Garrus has run afoul of one of the practical jokes plaguing us recently. He seems to be glued to his... calibrations.” The last word was a failed attempt to hold in her laughter. Even Garrus seemed to recognize that not only was he never going to live this down, he could see the humor in the situation, and couldn’t justify arguing this.

It took Shepard a few moments to feel like he could speak with a straight face. “How long will it take to... tear him away from his calibrations, then?” He couldn’t help it. 

Chakwas laughed as well. “Oh, this won’t take long, Commander,” she said as the laughs died down. “I have some dissolvent that should fix up Garrus’s predicament in no time.”

Now Garrus shot her a look. “If you do, then why did you call the Commander down here?” he asked, displeased at having to have his CO and friend see him like this if it wasn’t necessary.

The doctor chortled. “Why should I keep something like this to myself?” she asked, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. That was, Garrus would later come to admit, very true.

Recognizing that his job was done for the time being, Shepard opted to leave the main battery, finally letting his laughter out. 

***

It was barely an hour later, when Shepard went to see if Liara’s resources as the Shadow Broker had uncovered anything more about the Crucible or even some forgotten relic of an ancient race they could utilize, that he learned of the next prank.

“Yo, what up, Commander?!” The very annoying shout came from the direction of Glyph, though it was not his voice. At her desk, Liara looked an inch from pounding her head against the desk. 

Shepard smelled a prankster at work. 

“Liara?” he asked gently, causing her to jump.

“Shepard!” she said. Then, glancing over to Glyph (who supplied a “Yo, Doctor T! What’s the haps?”), she grimaced and groaned. “I suppose it was too much to hope...”

“What’d our prankster do to Glyph?” he asked, giving the VI a skeptical look, as if his image projection would shift as well as his voice. “I mean, it’s obvious, but...”

“I have no idea how the prankster managed this. Glyph doesn’t even connect to the Normandy’s system. He’s on a separate, isolated server. I don’t think I’ve even touched it since I arrived on the Normandy.” 

“Yo, yo, yo, you got that wrong, Doctor T! You had to copy my files for your project!” Glyph offered, ‘helpfully,’ though the tone of his voice was irritatingly high-pitched, to a point where both Shepard and Liara winced at the sound.

Knowing that at least he could make an escape (and that he intended to do so as soon as he could), Shepard gave Liara a sympathetic look. “Well, you did confine him to your room, so maybe taking a break until Engineer Adams or Tali can come up and fix him is in order.”

She gave him a thankful look. “I was hoping that it wasn’t selfishness to try that. There’s a lot riding on what I’m doing here.”

Shepard gently shook his head – Liara just couldn’t seem to dig herself out of her work. She had to accomplish everything. “You know you can’t do this job if you’re falling sleep at your desk, Liara. You need to take care of yourself just as much as the rest of the galaxy.”

“I suppose you’re right. Thank you for the reminder, Shepard.” She glanced at Glyph and winced again. She picked up a datapad and hurried out the door. 

When Shepard left, he echoed her wince when Glyph remarked, “Yo, Commander! Have a bomb diggity day!”

***

When Shepard saw the next prank, he not only admired the prankster’s ingenuity, he had to wonder just who he was dealing with. 

“I just can’t understand it, Commander.” Cortez was staring in wonder at the results of this one. “I keep the shuttle under lock and key when it’s in dock.”

“Given the show of hacking they’ve pulled off to this point, that doesn’t seem to be an impediment,” Shepard pointed out. 

Still, Cortez shook his head. “Still... How in the hell do you think they managed to do this without anyone seeing?” he asked with a motion to the shuttle’s interior, which had been decked out in fuzzy pink... everything, it seemed. It was as if every surface of the shuttle, barring the holo-interfaces, had broken out in some kind of growth overnight. Some kind of fuzzy pink growth that would have been too gaudy even for the fashion tastes of the retro-throwback aficionados that encouraged things like this. There was also a pair of pink fuzzy dice hanging over the interfaces, as if the Kodiak were a sports car of some kind.

And, Shepard had to admit, Cortez had a point. “I have no idea.” They stared at the sight for another few moments. “Will you be able to clear this out before the next mission?”

“Hopefully. But no promises.” He chuckled. “Actually, now I kinda want to see the look on the faces of whoever sees this on the next drop.”

Shepard shot him a look. “Let’s not, shall we, Cortez?” Reapers wouldn’t care, and Cerberus troops were probably too far gone to have a reaction either.

With that, he turned, heading for the lift. Before he could reach the cabin, though, it stopped at Engineering, Gabby starting into it before she realized that Shepard was standing there.

“Commander! Just the person I needed to see.”

Shepard had a feeling that he knew what was coming. “Our prankster strike again?”

She let out a small chuckle. “Yeah. Struck in threes, apparently. I saw what they did to the shuttle from here. Points for audacity. Meanwhile, Ken’s sleep pod somehow got a bunch of cold water poured into it this morning.”

Shepard chuckled at the thought – Donnelly’s incessant horn dog antics were public knowledge. It wasn’t that upsetting to hear that he’d gotten some payback. Considering some of the things I’ve heard from Traynor and Allers, that’s probably something they’ll get a kick out of... “You said threes. You or Tali?”

“Tali. The translator in her helmet’s gone haywire. The only word I’ve understood from her in the last twenty minutes is ‘bosh’tet.’ I’m heading to the AI Core for a piece EDI said she could spare that might help.” As Gabby finished her explanation, her omni-tool began to beep. Shepard didn’t like to invade her privacy, but when her face started making some very strange contortions, he grew concerned.

“Gabby?”

“Huh?” Gabby looked away from her omni-tool, as if she’d forgotten that there was anyone else in the elevator. “Oh! Sorry, Commander. Just... uh... Well, a secret admirer.” She chuckled, looking sheepish – here she was, talking gossip fodder with Commander Shepard.

“Is Donnelly finally getting the hint?” Kasumi had once suggested that Gabby and Ken would make a great couple, if they’d just realize it, and Shepard knew that Gabby was a smart woman – she probably had him figured out years ago.

“Well, I thought it was at first, but he didn’t react when I quoted the letter and-” There was another beep, another letter. She sighed. “...And now they’re getting just... weird.” Shepard opted not to find out – given his merry band of misfits, ‘weird’ could mean such wildly varying things, it was probably safer to just let his mercifully-willing-to-stay-vanilla imagination take the wheel and not give in to the more scarring possibilities. 

Though Gabby didn’t seem to be willing to give him that. “I mean, the last one talked about calibrations – kinda thought it was Garrus, but that’s too much a dead giveaway, you know? And now, this one sounds like a hanar...” She sighed as realization dawned. “And make that ‘struck in fours.’ Can’t believe I fell for that.”

Shepard couldn’t help but chuckle. “Maybe you need to change your e-mail password.”

“No kidding.”

***

By the time Traynor’s toothbrush disappeared, the crew had begun taking bets on who would be the next victim. Shepard couldn’t decide if he wanted to help her find it – by the time they located it, who knew where it would have been – or simply buy her a new one, despite the costs (he had GUNS he’d paid less for than her toothbrush! Hygiene was important, sure, but there were LINES). He was spared by Diana Allers offering to replace it next time they arrived at the Citadel, apparently also smarting from a prank as well.

“It’s a good thing I’m not doing any live reporting on the Normandy or the galaxy would have gotten an eyeful of the kind of thing that even the people in Shin Akiba would find distasteful,” was her only comment on her prank when he asked about it during chowtime. “Of course, the fact that it happened while I was on real-time conference with my producers is probably still a problem.”

Shepard sighed. “If your producers give you any trouble, tell them I’ll speak with them about it.” He was just imagining the conversation he’d have to have with Hackett if the prankster struck while they were discussing strategy. THERE was terrifying for you.

“Thanks, Commander, but I should have it squared away.” Allers tapped the call button for the elevator. After too long a pause, she raised an eyebrow. “Okay, so far, this prankster hasn’t repeated himself or gone after someone twice. Is this just my unlucky day?”

“It might be my prank and you’re just a hapless bystander,” Shepard offered.

Behind him, he heard the sound of someone clearing their throat. “Excuse me, Commander?” He turned to see Doctor Chakwas, holding a bottle of brandy. 

“Doctor. Little early for our drink, isn’t it?”

“I was doing inventory, including one of my personal reserves. My Serrice brandy appears to have suddenly become a 2134 vintage. Yesterday it was 2154.”

Allers raised an eyebrow in appreciation. “Wow. That’s the first time I’ve heard of a human getting a ’54. Those almost never leave asari space.”

“I won it in a game of poker during my time in the Citadel’s research labs. As you can see, Commander, I happen to be rather interested in the location of the proper vintage.”

Shepard sighed, growing particularly tired of the prankster’s antics. “Doctor, we’re still looking for where the prankster stashed Lieutenant Vega’s weights.” The Lieutenant was still not pleased about the disappearance of his weights. Or, possibly, the thought of someone having screwed around with them on principle. Regardless, he was still looking for them. “It’s on the list, but since we don’t even know who this is, I can’t make any guarantees.”

Mercifully for Shepard’s growing headache, Chakwas seemed content with that. “I understand, Commander. I merely thought you would wish to be informed.”

“At this point, I’m considering asking EDI to set up a dedicated VI for prankster related complaints...” Shepard muttered. He looked to the elevator, which still hadn’t arrived. “And what’s taking so long with the elevator?”

“ _My apologies, Commander. The elevator has suffered a malfunction, and is currently closed for maintenance. Engineer Adams is already working on it. He estimates an hour before it is back online._ ” EDI’s response from the speaker was a reminder that she was everywhere in the ship, something that Shepard occasionally forgot these days.

“Thank you, EDI,” Shepard said with a disgusted sigh. 

“ _Of course, Commander. And I am fully capable of keeping track of all prankster related complaints without the development of an additional virtual intelligence._ ” EDI sounded almost miffed at the implication that either there should be another computer intelligence on the ship or that Shepard seemed not to think that she was up to the task. He’d worry about soothing her ego later.

“Noted.” Shepard looked to Allers. “You up for some duct crawling?”

“Seems to be the only option, doesn’t it?” 

***

While Allers returned to her studio, Shepard went to the CIC, wanting to know if there was any further explanation regarding the elevator – the elevator was rather important for the smooth functions of the ship. He had barely gotten out of the ducts, however, when his omni-tool went off. To Shepard’s surprise, the image on the message screen was of Javik, looking exasperated. Behind him, he thought he could make out what looked like Liara’s head tentacles. 

“Javik?”

“ _Commander. I would greatly appreciate it if something could be done about this elevator. Quickly._ ” Shepard could make out the interior of the elevator behind them both. The lighting was limited, but he also saw from Liara’s body language that she was looking somewhat flushed and uncomfortable and... Shepard connected a few dots and began to realize what the point of this prank was. 

Clearing his throat in an attempt to maintain some modicum of discretion (he didn’t know for sure that the prankster intended to set the two of them up, after all, and if he was either wrong about them or the prankster’s joke had simply been about locking them in the elevator, not resolving their UST, and neither option was probably one they were up for admitting in public just yet), he shrugged. “Engineer Adams is working on it, Javik. I can’t give you an estimate.”

Javik did not seem pleased. Liara moved into frame. “ _I don’t suppose you could ask him to hurry?_ ”

“I’ll see what I can do.” For their dignity, he ended the call.

Moments later, he got more confused by the sound of a guitar riff, followed by muffled words, sounding much like singing. That confusion was cleared up when the door from the CIC slid open and EDI approached him. From the speakers, a song was blaring.

_No reason to get excited_  
 _The thief he calmly spoke_  
 _There are many here among us_  
 _Who feel that life is but a joke_

“Shepard, it appears that the prankster has found a way into the ship’s intercoms,” she stated, as unnecessary as it was. 

Shepard let out a sigh that he wasn’t sure was disgust or simple defeat.

***

In retrospect, Shepard realized that it was inevitable that his grace period would end. Everyone else on the ship had fallen victim to the prankster. It was going to be his turn eventually. 

But couldn’t the prankster have picked a better time than three in morning, when Shepard was already running on just an hour of sleep? This was cruel and unusual.

Especially since it was loud. And peppy.

_I’m going out tonight_  
 _I’m feeling all right_  
 _Gonna let it all hang out_  
 _Wanna make some noise_  
 _Really raise my voice_

Shepard found himself in a heap of limbs on the floor of his cabin. By the time he’d managed to acknowledge the fact that this wasn’t a threat, the song had hit the chorus. 

He almost demanded EDI tell him where the music was coming from, but a glance over at his stereo told him that it had been activated. He hit it and was relieved at the cessation of the music.

For all of five seconds, before it began again.

_Man! I feel like a woman!_

Something told Shepard that continuing attempts would bring only the same result.

***

At the start of the next duty shift, Shepard strode up to the cockpit and, without saying anything to Joker and EDI, hit the ship’s all-call.

“Attention all hands. By now we’ve all been victims of this shipboard prankster. These pranks have, overall, been harmless and so I’ve been content to let them run their course, since we all can use some kind of stress relief in the middle of this war. However, after yesterday’s incident with the lift and my own rude awakening this morning, a line has been crossed. These pranks are now inferring with both the smooth operating of this ship and my hard-earned sleep. I will investigate to the fullest the next prank played on this ship, and I will personally see the culprit clapped in irons and facing treason charges. I trust I have made my point. Shepard out.”

With that out of his system, Shepard sighed in relief. Over the top? Perhaps. But very satisfying.

“Commander, would now be an appropriate time to bring up the fact that since the pranks started, crew morale and productivity has been up by thirteen percent?”

Shepard gave EDI a sour look. “No, EDI. It would not.”


End file.
